God recently used His vessel to speak to me. His message was very clear - let Me love you the way I want. I had to stop and think. What have I been doing that has been the rock in the middle of God's stream? My answer was simple. I haven't been willing to go through this new path, this new journey. I've been saying no to the path that He has detailed for me. Not necessarily because I think its a hard one, but because of my issue with being worthy of being fully used by Him.
We don't often allow God to love us fully. Thinking that the cost of receiving His love will cost us more than we want to pay. My cost has been to give up the I can't, I'm not worthy ideology that has engulfed me all of my life. While I may have put up a good front over the years, the truth - it worried me to "go all in", to believe that I was worthy of doing that which He called me to do. But, what is the alternative? Sin? What real Christian wants to willingly sin? (Note: when I say real Christian, I don't mean those that do the lip service. I mean those that are honestly striving to be better, do better, live better according to God's Word.)
God's path isn't always the easiest. It includes sacrifice, complete obedience, and blind faith. We will have to give up people, things, jobs, areas, ideologies that are as much a part of us as the breath that we take. We will have to listen completely and then go out and do the work (faith without works is dead).
Loving God, truly loving Him, means complete obedience even when it doesn't feel right, even when the next chapter is uncomfortable, even when we don't see the how or why. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Why not choose obedience? Why not choose to do what he says instead of having to sacrifice things later. Here is the thing that I've learned along this 12 year journey. I can run (I have run) but God will have His way. He won't force you because He is a gentleman, but be it through you, your children, or your grandchildren, the seed He planted will root, grow, and sprout.
I choose to not miss my purpose, my blessing, His Love for me, because of an ideology of who I am not. He created me, He knows who I am. Tasha Cobbs Leonard said it perfectly - "You Know My Name".